Remaining calmer longer during conflict is a predictor of a healthy relationship. Any relationship. Specifically though, couples who become hostile quickly during disagreements are more likely to break-up than those who don’t. As you might imagine, quick hostility damages intimacy.

It sounds simple, but just choosing to remain calm during an argument can help activate your pre-frontal cortex (logical part of the brain) and can help you stay calm by moving your thinking out of your more primitive mid-brain. When we do this we stay calmer longer, or…we soften our start-up.

Here is an interesting illustration about our ability to make decisions and self-regulate:

Sometimes volatile people doubt their ability (or anyone else’s) to do this.

You haven’t heard how he/she pushes me. What if I lose it?

To which a therapist may suggest: “How would you go staying in control if there were a million dollars in it for you?”

Well, that’s different!

The therapist agrees, “yes, very different. Your relationship is worth more.

Often having our priorities in order and making the decision to act accordingly is enough, but there is also nothing wrong with reaching out for more help. Getting the help we need for those we care about is one of the strongest things we can do. Check out the “Get Help Now” section of our blog

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Posted by:okptacultivate

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