In life we face many challenges, big and small. When a problem causes us stress or discomfort we have four options:
Solve the problem, change your perception of the problem, radically accept the situation, or stay miserable.Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Even though we sometimes unconsciously choose it, none of us wants to stay miserable. Most of the time we want to solve the problem, or maybe change how we view the problem, but what if we can’t? Radical acceptance is an interesting option when there is a problem so big, or so unfair that we can’t fix it or change our view of it. Some things are very unfair. Some losses are quite big. Sometimes events are just incredibly painful no matter how you look at it.
If the idea of accepting these situations seems difficult, let’s talk about what radical acceptance is NOT. It is not putting our head in the sand. It is not being passive or a door mat and letting people walk all over us. It is not agreement with someone’s unfair actions.
Radical acceptance is about NOT denying reality so that we can prevent turning unavoidable pain into unnecessary suffering.
People often say, “I can’t stand this,” “This isn’t fair,” “This can’t be true,” and “It shouldn’t be this way.” It’s almost as if we think refusing to accept the truth will keep it from being true, or that accepting means agreeing. Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing.
It’s exhausting to fight reality, and it doesn’t work. Refusing to accept that you were fired for something you didn’t do, that your friend cheated you, or that you weren’t accepted into the college you wanted to attend doesn’t change the situation, and it adds to the pain you experience.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance
To keep reading about the option of radical acceptance and how to incorporate this practice (and it does take practice!) into your life in order to reduce toxic stress and increase well-being, Deep Dive into these below links:
Got a Problem? The Good News Is You Only Have Four Options
Radical Acceptance: Sometimes problems can’t be solved